Mistakes

Mistakes Mistakes Mistakes.

I just can’t seem to get a grip on my myself.

I’ve made many mistakes. But none as big as what I did this morning.

Your anger and hurt and your successful revenge has been justified.

I’m so sorry Shan and Rukshan. 

I always complain about how bad you both are as boyfriends.

But I ended up being such a horrible girlfriend.. to both of you..

The choice is clear

My heart’s been battling with itself for quite some time now. 

Didn’t text or call him. Met him only twice in about 6 weeks. And no, we’ve not yet broken up. But im trying to get myself seasoned to him not being there anymore. 

Then there is Shan, for awhile now he’s been the guy at the back seat, trying to make me laugh and be carefree. Telling me he’s gonna pick up where rukshan left off.

I know no one could possibly replace rukshan. Even shan couldn’t fill the void, but it made it somehow manageable to get through the day, only thinking of rukshan just for a moment before i go to bed.

However, since last friday, its just been different again. As we loosened our hug, I whispered to you that I love you, and it all came back to me. You’re so special. This triangle of you me and her, it doesn’t mean anything at all. You love me. Not her.

I’m coming back to collect what’s rightfully mine. 

the friday before good.

i took off.

and off i went to his house at jurong west.

from morning to evening.

he was like superman. (only better)

im sorry darling,

but you pushed me too far,

I had to go finding love from another man.

I guess it’s the end of our fairytale. 

BFFs come to rescue

Everything is going wrong. 

And im dying a little inside everyday.

But there’s 2 people who just prevent me from going insane.

Benazir and Deepan. Im seriously so lucky to have them.

I doubt they know how much they mean to me. But for them i’ll give the world.

And of cos all my other friends fana, ting, vasanthi, sharmila, etc im gifted with the best people to help me get past whatever life throws at me.

The words that killed

I was doing my usual thursday fast which I do solely for your well being and happiness. 

And I can’t believe you said the words I never ever wanted to hear coming out of your mouth.

Im just holding back the tears because im scared. 
Im scared the moment I let it out, I can’t stop. 

I have faith in God. I have faith in my love. 

Im hanging on to nothing, but im not going to go down without fighting for my love.

You’ll always be my darling.

How adults do it

Another fight. And my darling was all confused and stuff.

We talked it out. And once again I reassured my prince that no matter what comes, im not gonna leave him. 

And I had to get one thing in his head, when we face a problem, we’re not gonna run away and end things, thats not how WE are gonna handle our relationship. Thats how kids do it. We’re much to old for that kind of a relationship. We’re gonna face our problems together and come out stronger.

Baby I know you don’t want me to get hurt. But trust me, having u and facing all the negativeness from everyone is much better than not having you and having everyone else. Cos u’re the one who completes me.

im gonna be here. today, tomorrow and every day till the end. 

Valentine’s Day

Our first Valentine’s Day ♥

He had a test that ended at 130. And I had a medical appointment that ended around the same time. We then met at Kallang Leisure Park.

He was as handsome as always. My Prince Charming. ♥

I gave him the thing that I tried baking for him (with some help of course). 

He wasn’t holding anything in his hands, so I kinda knew he didn’t get me anything. It was expected, considering the fact that he doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day. But still it would have been nice to get something…anything…

We went to watch Chronicle. And i was kinda upset so i wasn’t really talking to him. And just when the lights went out and the movie was about to start, he opened his bag and took out a little beauty. I couldn’t stop smiling. He actually bothered to buy a Valentine’s gift. This guy is sooooo good at acting. ♥

The movie was so boring. He was falling asleep on one side. I was falling asleep on another side. 

After the movie we were sitting at the carpark.. and we started having our serious conversation.. of all places at the carpark -_-

We were talking about the night when i was crying and having second thoughts about everything. We were talking about education. We were talking about everything that I will have to face because im with him. 

I knew all the risks. And I told myself. Im not gonna find another gem like him again. He is the one. ♥

We were talking for some time when Benazir texted me saying she was spending Vday alone for reasons which can’t be mentioned on tumblr. 

HE was going to drop me off at her office building.. but we stopped over to fill up his tank, and once again i got BURNED. And this time it was worse than the the 2 times before. I swear the bike has got an issue with me. When he went to pay he came out with Kisses chocolates for me. Awwwww my favorite. It kinda made me forget about the burning pain in my leg. 

He dropped me off at United House. and went off to meet his brother. And i met with my best friend and we went to our favorite restaurant for dinner. I texted  deepan to join us since he was dateless on Vday too. It was a miracle he even came to tekka considering he HATES the place. After dinner we went walking around Mustafa. and i started feeling like i was coming down with a fever. 

So i told Deepan to drop me home. and i realize i broke a promise i made. after going on his bike once before i promised myself i will never ever ever go on his bike again cos it was so scary! but on that day i kinda needed to get home fast so yeah.. thats a good excuse right..

It was an awesome Vday. Spent time with my man and my 2 dearest friends. ♥

Dream #8

I have not much recollection of what this dream was about.. And it happened while i was on my cruise vacation. was probably missing you too much.

But i remember we were sitting at the coffee shop under my grandmother’s block.

And on a different part, we were crossing the junction at Bugis and it started raining.

Lol.